heart on a string
i’ll admit that the first time i ventured a glance at a mother who clutched tightly to her child by way of a leash, i was overtaken by a single emotion: JUDGEMENT. and then, after i ranted to my pre-motherhood self about the fact that children are not animals, i made fun of this crazy, leash-toting mama, and all such mamas of her kind.
fate is a conniving little justice-seeker though, and many years after i unleashed this harsh judgement, i gave birth to… a bolter. here is the technical definition of a bolter for those who are not familiar:
bolter: noun, a recalcitrant toddler prone to sudden dashes, runs, flights, or escapes, commonly in areas of high vehicle traffic such as parking lots.
i diagnosed the monkey with this condition when i was no less than eight months pregnant with the bird and on modified bed rest. a leisurely outing to the cupcake bakery turned quickly into a 100-yard-dash across the black asphalt. the monkey was laughing. i was crying, partly because the event scared me to death, and partly because some aspect of me must have known that the purchase of a leash could be in my future.
when i was pregnant with my first son, a wise mama told me that being a mom would make me feel like my heart was living outside of my body. this turned out to be an accurate description. as psychologist janna malamud smith puts is, “there is an enlarged sense of vulnerability…created by becoming a mother — and accepting the intimate mission of keeping a dependent being alive.”
as writer francine prose describes, “all at once, we realize what hostages to fortune we are, how fragile and precious life is — our own lives, and those of our children. even the bravest of us may find ourselves transformed almost beyond recognition into skittish, nervous versions of our former selves.”
i’m thinking about purchasing the above-pictured leash for the monkey. (it’s perfect for him, right?) i’m certain that i’ll be on the receiving end of the kind of judgment i dished out so naively before… before my wild and reckless heart was living outside of my body… before i wanted to tie a string around it and never let it go.
[sources for this post can be found on the bibliography page on the sidebar to your right.]
[don’t forget to enter the billboard bag GIVEAWAY found in saturday’s post.]
Tags: bolter, francine prose, heart, janna malamud smith, judgement, leash
March 30th, 2010 at 7:52 am
I now realize that your FB posts are from your blog and not a collection of other sources. Excellent work. I must say that I have “judged” others when I see a kid on a leash. However, if it is a cute monkey/backpack/leash, I think I’d be less like to do so. Consider me reformed.
March 30th, 2010 at 8:02 am
I felt the exact same way, until it had two bolters. It was when we decided to take a trip as a family. Not just any trip, but one we were going to have to fly. At the time, my twins were two years old, and we no longer walking (because they could run).
I kept having visions of them running at break neck speeds the Memphis or Atlanta airport. That was it, I was sold. I should say that I’m not really a worrier, as a parent. So to have my own concerns over this just underscored the necessity of them.
Oh, and we went with the animal ones also.
March 30th, 2010 at 8:04 am
We have leashed a child and I have addressed the looks — at Dulles Int’l — that come along with it. They generally come from people who don’t have (or have never had) mobile children. Or from people who had mobile children before Adam Walsh, bicycle helmuts, lead paint restrictions, and booster seats.
March 30th, 2010 at 8:43 am
I found you on baby sweetness on her potty training Jesus post! I’m glad I did! This post is hilarious! I’m a new follower & can’t wait to keep reading!
March 30th, 2010 at 11:29 am
You have to get that monkey thing! It is perfect for your bolter.
Don’t worry about judgmental people. If anyone is rude enough to say anything, ask him or her if they would rather see your child under the tires of a car in the street. That ought to shut them up!
March 30th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I am completely with you!
My pre-baby (pre-mommy, really) self said – how horrible! What a way to treat your child!
I only have one now and she is just starting to walk, but I already have heart palpitations at the thought of taking her to the mall as a toddler if we’re blessed with another in a stroller then. Do I let her run and stay with the baby? Do I run after her and leave my infant? Do I actually become so overwrought that I manage to physically split myself in two to be both places? And then, can I take turns on which of me goes to work and which stays home with the baby?
As an aside, the little animal backpack ones seem so much cuter / less judgement prone.
March 30th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
ah yesss, how true. It is almost inevitable that what you sit on your high horse about will very likely come back and kick you in the butt.
Buy that adorable monkey harness!! Do they have any that will fit a 12 yr old girl??