name: Tootsie Bell

age: 45

current city: Memphis, TN

living situation: I live in Memphis with my wife and partner, Jamie Russell-Bell, and our beautiful nine-month-old son, Miles.

occupation: I am an artist. I make my living predominately as a jeweler/silversmith. I have owned and operated Bell Fine Art Jewelers  for 16 years. And as of recent, I am expanding into the public art forum. I have a piece at the Memphis Brooks Museum of Art, the Memphis Botanic Gardens, and my current project is a sculpture for Legends Park across from the new Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital.

how do you structure your time and space? Ahhhh time and space…..where did you go my friends? It’s really very simple and goes sort of like this: the mornings and evenings are all about family; the time in between is all about work. I have an amazing partner and we both give all that we have to our son. But we also try to do things for each other when we can. We each have our responsibilities, but if one sees that the other is burning out and is about to short circuit, we try to step in and take up the slack and give the other a time out. On the weekends, we alternate who gets up with Miles and who gets to sleep in. And we also give each other the space to get away once a week with a friend or whatever the “me time” requires. I have found that for for both of us, the key is to take that time and make it happen. Luckily, that is getting easier and finally, so is making time for “us”.

I’m a new mother at 45, my child has two mommies, and my partner is the birth mother. These factors also influence how we structure our time and space. If others were to label my role in the family, it would be, in most peoples’ eyes, the role of the father. However, I see it nothing like that. I’m aware that I have more male traits. I am physically stronger, and I take on more traditionally male roles such as fixing the roof, digging fence post holes, climbing under the house to fix the plumbing, and watching football on Sundays. But other than these things, I am in every way a proud, doting, new mother. I have the same nurturing drive, the same emotional response, and the same instinct and bond that my partner does. These traits that come naturally to me are often the ones that male counterparts have to work hard to develop (unfair, as it is) as they struggle with what their roles are, what to do next, or where to fit in to the new scenario. I feel like I’m much more capable of being there for my son and my partner. It’s the law of nature, I guess, and I don’t completely understand it. 

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what season(s) preceded your current season? The season before this was the ME season. The last 27 years were all about me. I spent a lot of time imagining what my life could be and how I wanted to be defined as an artist. I worked hard to chasing that dream with long hours in the studio, smoking, drinking, painting, sculpting, late late nights, and very little sleep. Then it was easy.

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? My current season is the US season. My life now is about caring for what I have built and who I have become, but most of all, it’s about my family. I was 44 when Miles was born, so I’ve gotten a lot of my needs out of the way. Still, it is definitely a trade off. Having children when you are young, you have the energy it takes to go without sleep and still keep up. Having children when you are older, you don’t have that energy, but you do have the patience and the wisdom it takes to sit still and give them what they need. I spend a lot of time cultivating my home life and trying to live healthy.

Being two mommies has made things easier for Jamie and me, I feel certain. But I know that with the unconventional there are challenges. Our parenting has not been struggle-free by any means. Not being the breastfeeding mother has left me feeling on the outside at times. But for the most part, we have been able to stay more closely on the same page throughout this big life change.

I read this bit of insight somewhere and have made it my primary goal. If I can give my son these four things, then I will know I have done my job: the unselfishness to release him, the vision to encourage him, the faithfulness to pray for him, and the wisdom to be therefor him whenever and wherever that may be. God knows I am willing to do whatever. 

-what season(s) might your future hold? Whatever my next season is, I hope that it’s long and fruitful and full of good times and memories. As an older mother, worrying about whether or not I will be around long enough is a demon I have had to duel on a regular basis.

favorite family activities:  Among my favorite family activities are playing in the pool. I love watching the shear joy that come from Miles as he splashes like a crazy chimpanzee. I also really enjoy going to Music for Aardvarks. Miles loves music and dancing and banging on the drums. But I’d have to say that my absolute very favorite family activity would be family naps and that sweet giggle session that comes after waking. There really is  nothing sweeter in this life.

favorite solo activities: My favorite solo activity would have to be playing music. I played the drums for a little over a year with the band, Giant Bear. It was such a great outlet and amazing experience to be playing with such talented individuals. I miss it dearly, but juggling new motherhood and running my business just doesn’t allow me the time and commitment needed to continue.

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Tags: bell fine art jewelrs, birth mother, drums, giant bear, jewelry, music for aardvarks, older mother, partner, public art, tootsie bell, two mommies

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 24th, 2010 at 11:17 am and is filed under mothers of invention. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.