people are poor predictors of what will make us happy.

 it’s like that time when i was in middle school and i begged my parents for a liz claiborne purse. my new bag did not transport me into a world devoid ofangst, pimples, failed flirtations, and latin tutors. i would need something else to make me happy: a spot on the basketball team, acceptance to the college of my choice, an adventurous summer trip, a boyfriend, a husband, a house, a meaningful vocation, children, children who take long afternoon naps, decent savings, balance, and the list goes on. according to a host of articles and popular books  written by daniel gilbert and his posse of fellow harvard researchers , i am not alone in my often misguided planning for a happy future.

“we treat our future selves as though they were our children, spending most of the hours of most of our days constructing tomorrows that we hope will make them happy. rather than indulging in whatever strikes our momentary fancy, we take responsibility for the welfare of our future selves, squirreling away portions of our paychecks each month so they can enjoy their retirements on a putting green, jogging and flossing with some regularity so they can avoid coronaries and gum grafts, enduring dirty diapers and mind-numbing repetitions of the cat in the hat so that someday theywill have fatcheeked grandchildren to bounce on their laps” (from dan gilbert’s stumbling upon happiness).

of course, we cannot simply forget about the future. i’m going to keep brushing my teeth twice a day to ward off future root canals. but gilbert’s findings could bring about a paradigm shift for people of every age and stage. perhaps the empty-nester who is plotting out a happy retirement, the young mother who is pining for the day all of her children are out of diapers, and the upstart professional who revels in visions of a corner office would live differently if they believed that,

“bad things don’t affect us as profoundly as we expect them to. that’s true of good things, too. we adapt very quickly to either” (from a new york times interview of dan gilbert).

last week, i started making a list of things that make me happy. these are not things that i imagine will evoke happiness in the future. rather, when i am in the middle of my every day life, and when i have a sudden flash of awareness that i am, in that very moment, experiencing happiness, i write down what i’m doing. so far, it appears that i will not have to finagle an extraordinary future to enjoy my life. as it turns out, i am happy when i am folding clothes on the bed while my children are snuggling together watching word world. i am happy reading outside in the sun during my children’s nap times. i am happy when i am doing things that are athletic. i am happy when i’m sharing a bag of kettle corn with a good friend. i am happy when i am pondering a new idea.

this is helpful information, since the enterprise of parenting is so future-oriented. i will always probably be a poor predictor of what makes me happy. but, perhaps, with a little more awareness, i will begin to recognize happiness when i stumble upon it, not in far off dreams of  diaper- free days, not in fleeting visions of a more career-focused life, but in the present moment, as messy and harried and beautiful as it is.

Tags: amo amas amat, daniel gilbert, future, happiness, harvard, predictors, present, researchers, stumbling upon happiness

This entry was posted on Friday, October 8th, 2010 at 9:06 am and is filed under hopes, perfection. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.