i cannot change the laws of physics.
i am not a science person, and i never took physics. perhaps this is why i have managed to reach the age of 34 without fully grasping the simple concept that i cannot be two places at once. but andy’s three-day out-of-town conference last week was just the crash course i needed to fulfill my “knowing one’s limitations” requirement.
lesson one occured at memphis botanic gardens’ big back yard, where i encountered another mom, who was expertly holding her ten-week-old while her three-year-old was tentatively exploring.
i, on the other hand, darted frantically from one child-in-constant-motion to the other. the bird fell, the monkey was hogging the slide, the bird nibbled on someone else’s lunch, the monkey needed help finding the mallets for the “house of rock,” the bird was dangerously close to the creek, the monkey…
wait! where was the monkey? hiding in the worm hole. cool.
only this wasn’t so cool with the aforementioned mother, because while my attention was on the monkey, the bird was playing with the enticing gadgets on her ten-week-old’s empty stroller.
i scooped up the bird in a flurry of apologies. she said nothing but went to work on the stroller with wet wipes.
the big back yard is just that — big. but no matter how far we strayed from the perturbed mother and her statuesque children, the bird always managed to find his way back to her alluring collection of stroller toys. when she started scolding the bird and yanking him away from the empty stroller, i knew it was time to go. i also knew that in about a year, when her baby is walking, this mother would be joining me in the impossible attempt to be in two places at once.
lesson two occurred at the end of my solo-parenting duty, just as i was congratulating myself for maintaining patience, relative calm, and a sense of adventure while andy was away. the phone rang, and a kind and gentle church parishioner on the other end of the line expressed legitimate disappointment that i had not visited his family during a very critical time they had experienced in the previous few days, the same few days i spent playing the roles of mom, dad, and cruise director for my kids.
i was, and still am, riddled with guilt.
i’m also frustrated that in many cases for me, quality ministry and quality parenting are mutually exclusive. but no matter how hard i try, i cannot be in two places at once. sometimes being fully present to one child means being only marginally present to the other. sometimes providing stability during a critical time for my children means not providing empathy during a critical time for parishioners.
this is the reality of my life right now, one that i am having a hard time embracing. even i were a science person, i cannot change the laws of physics.
Tags: conference, memphis botanic garden, my big back yard, out of town, parishioner, physics, science, solo parenting, stroller, two places at once
October 13th, 2010 at 10:20 am
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Being a mother is so difficult! Sometimes it’s difficult to even pick up the phone when you have children.
October 13th, 2010 at 10:50 am
Amen, sister! I so feel your pain trying to be everything for everyone.
“Cruise Director” = LOL Hilarious
Love the pics, too! Looks like you discovered the retro camera app on your phone.
October 13th, 2010 at 10:58 am
1. i’m fully with you on the 2 kids moving in opposite directions. our botanical gardens have a HUGE adventure playground, and it makes me crazy trying to keep up with my girls. usually one of the ‘facilitators’ brings me my 2 year old while i’m wiping up my 4 year olds urine from the slides.
2. we’ve often been in that position- how to keep up with our family priorities & be present for the families in our church. it’s never ending… we pray for the wisdom to know when we are called to be physically present immediately, or when we are called to simply pray & be near during the aftermath of crisis or grief. it’s so hard… and i’m certain that it’s not supposed to be easy.
i’m sorry this is such a hard week- i hope you have some encouraging moments, too!
October 13th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
This too will pass. What doesn’t do you in, makes you stronger. Not to feel guilty! Your children do move very quickly. That’s a good thing.
October 13th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Hello there…remember me, your bio major roomie who trudged through physics our senior year. I took the class and I still don’t accept it!!! I am still striving to be in two places at once, to keep Little J from putting his hand in the (hopefully flushed) toilet and Big J from “coloring” with permanent markers.
And yes, “Miss I have a 10 week old and still continue to wipe things down like I can keep my children germ free at an outdoor play area” will have her day. We all know that. Because we have all sat in her shoes and judged, and we have all eaten two or three helpings of humble pie since then…
October 14th, 2010 at 9:32 am
I remember a day at the Children’s Museum reaching for William on the top of the firetruck and apologizing to everyone along the way. A museum employee came over to me, and I thought to myself, “Oh no, here comes the lecture.” Instead she said, “He is so funny! You must laugh all the time.” My response was that I didn’t, but I really should – she gave me a new perspective (for a moment anyway). If only we could all affirm rather than judge and criticize each other in this journey of parenthood..
October 14th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
So very true. I have grown an extra arm when I needed it with my Critter, but I haven’t figured out how to be in 2 places at once, either.
And now I have “Star Trekkin'” in my head. You cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics!!