blush and bashful
if the monkey were to plan a wedding, he would follow the lead of julia roberts in steel magnolias. in other words, “pink is his signature color.”
as the mom of this pink-loving fellow, i have enjoyed MANY a self-administered pats on the back for allowing the monkey to exist outside of society’s color rules for boys and girls. you should see me at the cupcake counter, for example, proudly presenting both boys with their requested pink “plain janes.” i love myself in those moments.
photo from http://liplickin.blogspot.com/
but last week while we in asheville, the pink craze got a little more complicated when i took the monkey to pick out this season’s “creek walking shoes.” from a lovely, multicolored bouquet of keen sandals, the monkey plucked these with great zeal:
he was as pleased as punch (pun intended). i, on the other hand, was faced with an unexpected choice. is it my job to protect my children from teasing, or is it my job to help them be their truest selves? i hated myself in that moment.
i texted andy the above picture along with the words, “HELP! what should i do?”
his sentiments were the same as my own. we both want to protect our children from teasing AND help them be their truest selves. meanwhile, the monkey commenced to skip around the store in the fabulous pink shoes.
i contemplated my next move and imagined the silent horror of the sweetly-smiling sales woman, observing my attempts to squelch my son’s spirit. should i explain to my four-year-old that kids are mean, and that in our more traditional town, kids are mean AND traditional? or should i just purchase the pink shoes and hope for the best?
i opted for plan C. we revisited the multicolored bouquet of keen sandals “just to check for any other colors we might like.” and lo and behold, there was another pair on the display that was calling the monkey’s name. the dark pink pair:
now this pair is much more pink in person than the above picture reveals, but i didn’t care. surely he could be his true self in these shoes AND avoid teasing. we bought the shoes, and i was off the hook.
but only temporarily. i’m convinced that time and again, i will be revisiting the questions i asked myself in the shoe store. ultimately, i believe that it’s healthy to be selective about when, where, and with whom we reveal the deepest parts of who we are. i want to teach my kids to be selective. unfortunately, nobody learns to be selective without being teased.
i’m not sure i did the right thing. i am not writing to defend my choice. i’m just saying that in parenting, everything is complicated. nothing is as simple as wanting my kids to feel the cool mountain stream washing over their hot summer feet.
Tags: blush and bashful, choice, creek, cupcake, monkey, pink, steel magnolias
April 11th, 2011 at 9:10 am
oh my, I am in the middle of this struggle right now! my son wants to beat-box at the school talent show. I have no idea what the right thing to do is. he will, without any question, be completely made fun of if I let him go through with it. And he does NOT like to be made fun of – if he was a kid who didn’t notice embarassment, I wouldn’t have such hesitations…but alas, that is not my kid. whew. what to do. you are right. in parenting, everything is complicated.
April 11th, 2011 at 10:54 am
I couldn’t bear taking H to pick out his own bike because I knew he wanted “pink and white with streamers.” We presented them with a red one and a green one … He’s riding the red one.
Can we just start a Boys Who Like Pink Club? It seems like there are actually a bunch of boys who like pink, so why can’t we turn this one around?
April 11th, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Man. I need me a pink plain jane.
April 11th, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Oh dear…I am with you. We have also added a ponytail to our repertoire. We are obsessed with Tangled and regularly ask to try on mom’s dresses. We wanted pink shoes also, but tried a similar “are you sure you don’t see something else you like?” tactic. Right now I am just rolling with it….all I can do.
April 11th, 2011 at 7:39 pm
on line the pink look purple and the dark pink look red maybe we are all color blind.
When you are four it is joyful to wear the colors of the rainbow, give it time and the constraints of society will come in whether you like it or not. Now at 15 my once brightly colored boy wears black and navy and only wears bright colors out in the wilderness so that no ones shoots him and they can retrieve his body easily from a rock fall or mountain bike endo. They march to their own beat – mine refuses to listen to hip hop and pop and embraces Southern and classic rock. He is the only one in his peer group to know and own Led Zep and Lynard Skynard. He doesn’t care – actually never has – what other people think. Some kids are born to be different and they rock that difference their whole lives. Breathe baby sister, he’s a trend setter