you never know when a piece of obscure information will turn out to be useful.

take the paragraph in my human development textbook on the subject of “the birds and the bees” chat with children, for example. when i read it six years ago, i could not have predicted that the time would come when this paragraph would be the tiny little rope of rescue that would save me from (yet another) dark abyss of parental cluelessness. how was i to know then that the words, “do not offer more information than your child is requesting” would emerge from the depths of my memory at just the right moment, the moment when the following comedy of errors ensued?

monkey: “mom, how do babies come out of their mommies’ bellies?”

mary allison: “they come out of the vagina, monkey.”

monkey: “mommy, what’s a vagina?”

mary allison: “you know how you have a penis? well girls don’t have penises. we have vaginas instead.”

monkey: “you mean that little hole?”

mary allison: “yep. that little hole.”

monkey: “where the poop comes out?”

mary allison: “nope. a different little hole.”

monkey: [after a ten minute silence] “so… that big old baby comes out of that little bitty hole??”

mary allison: “yep.”

monkey: [shaking his head] “well that’s not good AT ALL!”

mary allison; “tell me about it.”

hilarious that a four year old is able to recognize when the laws of physics are not working in one’s favor.

i suppose the monkey will store these fascinating new insights into the recesses of his memory, and i suppose they too will surface at just the right moment. after all, you never know when a piece of obscure information will turn out to be useful.

but lord help us if my four-year-old has any use for any of this information any time soon!