“whole lives get set up to multitask. a mother winds up with a car that doubles as a living room and makes so many casual friends she can barely keep up with the people she really cares about. her life becomes busy… and this is supposed to be good. but busy has some serious downsides. busy can mean that although a mom thinks she’s making lots of good choices, she’s actually failed to prioritize. busy can easily start to feel crazy. in a very real sense, a too-busy mom has failed to make conscious choices at all” (ashworth & nobile, 60).

every year, instead of making new year’s resolutions, my husband and i each give a name to the coming year. i am usually excited about this ritual and a new outlook on life. but as 2010 approached, i found myself dreading the coming year. when the clock struck midnight, nothing would change. i would still be the same person, surrounded by the same people, places, things, and activities. 2009 was a great year, and there were no unusual stresses or crises marking my days. the dread seemed so unfounded and out of place!

after trying, unsuccessfully, to understand this feeling, i went with an old standby method for sorting things out. i started making lists. i listed all of the ways in which i spent my time. the list was long. then, i circled all of those things that i really didn’t want to do. almost every item on the list was circled! for each circled item, i asked myself why i have kept these activities in my life. in some cases, there was no choice involved. i take the kids to the doctor when they are sick whether i enjoy this task or not. but in most cases, i was doing things for reasons like this:

• i didn’t want to disappoint the other people involved in the activity
• i was flattered to be asked to participate in the activity
• i earned a masters degree in order to do that activity
• the activity fit in with my idealized image of myself
• i simply didn’t think very deeply about the time-commitments of the activity before saying yes.

very few of the circled items were there because they were fulfilling, life-giving, healthy, and fun. hence, the dread. i decided to name my year, “the year of rearranging,” and i set about adding things that are fulfilling, life-giving, healthy, and fun. but to do this, i would have to be more intentional, take away other things, disappoint others, and part with aspects of my self-image.

i’m now three months in to “the year of rearranging,” and i’ve done quite a bit of life-editing. i’ve added this blog, for example, and i’ve taken a break from the very stressful enterprise of sermon-writing and preaching. but just yesterday, without thinking, i agreed to sew curtains for my son’s school. making conscious choices is not something that comes easy for me. 

if you see me driving around in a car that doubles as a living room (complete with preschool curtains), please remind me to make more conscious choices. it is the year of rearranging, after all…

[source for this post may be found on the bibliography page located in the sidebar to your right.]