a few years ago, my mother-in-law gave the kids a hand-sewn manger scene set, complete with plush, non-breakable characters that can be arranged, stacked, pelted at each other, et cetera. the set has been a hit for various reasons (see above), and because our den is home to a constantly evolving sea of miscellaneous toy pieces that defies organization, i was not surprised at all yesterday to see this:

it looks like the monkey crashed the party, so to speak.

some young clergy women friends of mine turned me on to the sermons of debbie blue a while back, and i recently re-read her hilarious and insightful musings about the placement of the wise men in manger scenes. in betty’s manger scene collection she writes,

“i’ve been thinking maybe someone should start a small group of guerilla activists whose task it would be to plant shocking figures in manger scenes…. suburban housewives will shriek when they find batman figures on the roof of the manger on their mantle. churches will be horrified to find barbies and plastic dinosaurs on their altars. but people will pay attention. they will look twice. they may even stop their car. they may even get out when they see a garden troll or a pink flamingo or a big plastic homer simpson leaning over the baby jesus on the cathedral lawn.

photo from ncs909x

i actually wonder if i’m not the first to come up with that idea. it might have been some sort of guerilla group that first placed the wise men in manger scenes…. these guys probably didn’t come from nice clean places, maybe not even good families, probably more like smoky little rooms in the back of tattoo parlors… that’s a bold way to tell a story, these foreigners, in every sense of the word, these outsiders (way outsiders) were the first people in matthew’s story to encounter the jewish messiah…. it’s like having shirley maclaine at our manger scene. it’s that out there. shirley maclaine.”

i’m so proud of my little guerilla activist! i’m thinking about following his lead and inserting a little shock value into all of the manger scenes i encounter from here on out. you better watch out… you never know who will turn up on your mantle. as previously stated, i have access to a constantly evolving sea of miscellaneous toy pieces.

[source for this post is located on the bibliography page on the sidebar to your right.]

name: MaryAnn

age: 38

current city: Springfield, VA (suburb of Washington DC)

living situation: I live with my husband Robert and my “blessed trinity” of children: Caroline (age seven), Margaret (almost five) and James (almost three). We have two geriatric cats, Maya and Willy, who’ve been with Robert and me since the beginning of our marriage 16 years ago.

Our neighborhood is classic suburbia in many ways—July 4 block parties and neighborhood yard sales. But it’s also wonderfully diverse. We see women wearing hijab pushing their kids in strollers in our neighborhood, and there are more than 100 languages spoken here in Fairfax County.

occupation: I am pastor of Idylwood Presbyterian Church, Falls Church, VA, and a writer. I just finished a three-year stint as a monthly columnist for Presbyterians Today, our denomination’s magazine, and am one of the founders of Fidelia’s Sisters, an e-zine which is by and for young clergy women. I’ve written for secular publications too; I even had a short piece published in the Washington Post Style section a few years back! And I am working on two book projects, although it fills me with anxiety to say that out loud, because I’m not sure whether they’ll ever get done.

how do you structure your time and space? I work part-time for Idylwood, which is a small congregation. When I tell this to fellow pastors, they usually look at me knowingly and say, “Oh come on, there’s no such thing as part-time ministry, right? You just get paid part-time for full-time work.” I am on a mission to prove them wrong! This is my second call at part-time status. I started out full-time as an associate pastor of a large church seven years ago, and when James was born I asked to move to half-time. The congregation was gracious to make the change. Now I work 2/3 time.

It’s a constant struggle to find the balance. I’ve had to make peace with being the “good-enough mother” and the “good-enough pastor.” But most days, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the work I do, preaching, teaching and caring for this quirky congregation. Yet my schedule is flexible enough to take Margaret to “tap and tutu” class at the rec center and lead Caroline’s Brownie meeting from time to time. I work shortened days, which allows me to exercise in the mornings and still be homeafter the bus drop off in the afternoon. I work a lot of evenings too.

I have an office at the church, but I do a lot of work in my home office. It’s located in our dining room, which we converted into a creative space/study several months ago. In fact, I named my blog “The Blue Room” in honor of this room. You can read more about it here.

Our childcare situation is a dream come true. A neighbor who used to teach preschool began a daycare in her basement when her own daughter was born. She follows a curriculum but it’s more relaxed with the feeling of being at home. She’s half a block away, which makes mornings and evenings much less stressful. My mother lives downtown, which allows Robert and me to have date night a few times a month.

using the metaphor of seasons to describe the phases of women’s lives,

-what are the particular challenges and highlights of your current season? Our family is settling into what the church calls “ordinary time.” It’s not one of the high holy seasons, such as Christmas or Easter—things are just trucking along, and that’s OK. Green is the symbolic color of this season, implying growth, so I associate ordinary time with the summer months. We’re enjoying our kids at their current delightful stages of development, we like our jobs, our house feels like “home,” et cetera.

-what season(s) preceded this one? We’ve been through a lot of transition, which I associate with spring—planting seeds, watering and weeding, et cetera. There’s a lot of beauty in the spring but a LOT of work as well (so I’m told—I don’t garden, it’s enough to keep our kids and cats alive, and I can’t handle anything else!). I’ve been at my job almost a year, and my husband recently changed jobs as well, and that creates stress. Also, our kids manage to pick up every petty illness, fever and cold that’s out there, and they are NEVER sick at the same time. One gets better and the other one catches it. So our normally well-run household has been off the rails for several months.

-what season(s) might your future hold? Even as I live in the moment and try not to speed along my kids’ growing up, I admit I’m ready to get past the constant physical exertion of having young children—dressing them, feeding them, wiping their butts when they poop. I will not miss diapers and sippy cups.

That said, I know from parenting our second grader that the needs are still there as they age; in fact these needs only get more complex (homework, juggling activities, relationships with friends, et cetera). We don’t over-program our children but I’m a little freaked out to think about how I will get them from place to place. Even one activity a week per child adds up when there are three of them! However, I love watching our kids grow more and more fully into themselves. I guess I’m doing that too.

favorite family activities: We love to go downtown to do the DC stuff: museums, the zoo, pedal boating in the Tidal Basin next to the Jefferson Memorial. This summer we lived at the pool. We’ve started doing more hiking, with a recent trip to Shenandoah National Park. We eat dinner together most nights, but Sunday night is family night, which for us means a pizza “picnic” in the basement while watching a TV show everyone likes (currently Mythbusters). 

favorite solo activities: Reading, lunch with friends, blogging, wandering around downtown DC, visiting a museum, getting a massage or pedicure. My morning walk is really important to me. I’ve recently gotten into the online courses through the Abbey of the Arts which is a great outlet and something I can manage with my schedule.

source(s) of inspiration: I am inspired by artists whose lives and work speak of simplicity, wholeness and authenticity. David Wilcox’s music never ceases to inspire me, and Carrie Newcomer has provided my life’s soundtrack for almost 15 years. Mary Oliver’s poetry is a great inspiration, especially “The Journey,” which is a personal mission statement of sorts.

best MakeShift moment: Parenting is one big improvisation, no? I call it parenting parkour. There have been many MakeShift moments, but the first one I thought of was seven years ago, when I was being approved for ordination. I had to attend a big meeting of the presbytery (local district of Presbyterian churches) and give a short speech and answer any questions. Caroline was six weeks old, and I knew she would get hungry right when I was supposed to be “on,” so I ended up pumping in the backseat of the car while Robert drove us down the Capital Beltway. I always wondered whether the truck drivers said anything to one another about me on their CB radios…

find maryann on the web at http://theblueroomblog.org/ 

[if you or someone you know would make a good “mother of invention,” please check out the nomination process and questionnaire located on the sidebar to your right.]

i returned last night from the young clergy women’s conference, the topic of which was “leading as ourselves.” as i sat in the sub-artic environs of our candler divinity school classroom and looked around at my fellow girl preachers, i was struck by both awe and jealousy. many of these women work full time in the church or other para-church settings. some of them have children, some of them work part-time or half-time, but very few seemed to be on the piecemeal job plan as i am, stringing together a haphazard collection of part-time gigs with the trials and rewards of stay-at-home motherhood.

i learned later, of course, that i am not the only one holding my life and life’s work together with odd combinations of pipe cleaners, vestments, therapy, wine, and a steam mop. the room was full of those who long, as i did, to have children; those who struggle for balance of all kinds; those who are facing transitions; and those who are wrestling with issues of identity. 

i did not know all of this on day one, though, when one of our beloved speakers, melissa clodfelter, asked us what leadership-related topics we would like to cover in our time together. so, i raised my hand and explained that i am often trying to lead from the margins. because of my simultaneous frustration and delight with the church and my desire to spend the majority of my time with the monkey and the bird, i am never central to the church’s power structures. i often feel like an outsider, and i wonder if i can ever actually effectively lead from this position. though i felt as if i were speaking only for myself at the conference, i know that the world is full of women who feel marginalized in the workplace, whether for reasons of choice or unfair circumstance. what kind of leadership do we, the women on the fringes, have to offer?

i was relieved when melissa answered that the margins are the places from which true leadership emerges. it is only by stepping outside of the structures that rule our world that we gain the perspective needed to change things. fitting in is not a prerequisite for effective leadership, as evidenced by gandhi, martin luther king jr., and jesus christ, himself! in fact, affecting change requires an uncomfortable, liminal type of existance.

i am beginning to see that leadership, from my own personal margins might look like this:

• changing the world, by raising boys who are emotionally intelligent, compassionate, and justice-seeking. brown eyes over scrambled eggs, and all that…
• remaining on the fringes of church in order to speak from a place of perspective and insight.
• remaining connected to the church so that my perspective and insight will matter.
• writing here about what it’s like to try fashion a real, meaningful life that honors my own leanings as well as the legacies handed down to me by superwomen, fifties housewives, and everyone in between.

but mostly, i’m beginning to be thankful that i never quite fit in anywhere. in an odd sort of way, i am in good company. and there is meaning to be found in the margins and proclaimed to the world. thanks for joining me in this process — this little makeshift revolution.

my apologies for for the infrequent posting lately. i’m enjoying the fellowship and insight (and wine) at the young clergy women’s conference in HOTlanta.